Get Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
Build capability by repeatedly entering situations before you feel ready
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 98%
The framework treats discomfort as a predictable stage of learning rather than evidence that a person does not belong. Start with a specific stretch activity such as presenting to senior colleagues, speaking to a large group, applying for a promotion, or accepting an unfamiliar assignment. Prepare the essential knowledge, ask questions, and make the attempt before complete confidence arrives. The first performance is expected to be weaker than the hundredth, so the goal is not immediate mastery but a useful repetition. After each attempt, identify the gap, improve one element, and repeat. Capability and confidence then emerge together from accumulated evidence. The method is especially relevant to people who underestimate their readiness or believe they must satisfy every requirement before volunteering for an opportunity.
Origin
Extracted from Masters in Business. Joan Solotar presented the idea through Blackstone's Women's Initiative and her observation that many talented women wait for complete readiness before pursuing opportunities.
Core principles
- 01Growth requires moving beyond familiar work
- 02Readiness follows practice rather than preceding it
- 03Most professional capabilities are learnable
- 04Questions accelerate learning
- 05An imperfect first attempt is normal
How to run it
- 1
Name the avoided stretch
Identify a specific opportunity you are postponing because it feels unfamiliar, visible, or beyond your current identity.
Pro tip Choose a behavior you can repeat, such as presenting or leading a meeting.
Watch out Vague ambitions such as becoming more confident do not create a practice opportunity.
- 2
Prepare the essentials
Learn the core facts, rehearse the opening, and identify where you need guidance. Aim for responsible preparation rather than exhaustive certainty.
Pro tip Write down the questions that would remove the largest knowledge gaps.
Watch out Preparation becomes avoidance when it has no deadline for action.
- 3
Act before full confidence
Enter the situation while accepting that discomfort and imperfect delivery are normal. Use the opportunity as a live repetition rather than a final examination.
Pro tip Set a small behavioral target, such as making one clear recommendation in the meeting.
Watch out Do not confuse healthy stretching with accepting work you are unqualified to perform safely.
- 4
Review the evidence
Separate concrete performance gaps from the emotional feeling of discomfort. Record what succeeded, what failed, and what to change next time.
Pro tip Ask a trusted observer for one specific improvement rather than general reassurance.
Watch out Do not treat anxiety itself as proof that the attempt went badly.
- 5
Repeat deliberately
Schedule another attempt quickly enough to apply the lesson. Repetition converts the unfamiliar task into an ordinary professional capability.
Pro tip Increase difficulty gradually as competence grows.
Watch out Waiting too long between attempts allows avoidance to return.
In the wild
A technically strong analyst avoids presenting because she has never addressed senior partners. She prepares the core numbers, rehearses her recommendation, asks a mentor to challenge her assumptions, and presents despite feeling uncomfortable. She then corrects one delivery weakness before the next meeting.
→ Repeated exposure improves both presentation quality and justified confidence.
A manager meets most, but not all, requirements for a larger role. Instead of waiting for perfect alignment, she documents transferable strengths, identifies the missing skills she can learn, and raises her hand for the promotion.
→ The opportunity is evaluated on actual potential rather than being lost through self-disqualification.
Common mistakes
Waiting to feel fearless
Confidence often develops after repeated action. Making comfort a prerequisite prevents the repetitions that create it.
Skipping preparation
Stretching does not mean improvising carelessly. Prepare the fundamentals and ask for help where the risks are material.
Judging the first attempt as final
Early performance reflects limited repetitions, not a permanent ceiling on ability.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for capable professionals who delay speaking, presenting, applying, or leading until they feel completely qualified.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal for high-risk responsibilities that legally or ethically require certification, supervision, or demonstrated competence first.
From the transcript
“And unless you're willing to stretch, you're just never going to grow in your career.”
“You don't have to know it all on day one, it's all learnable.”
“it's not going to be as good as the hundredth time you do it. And that's okay.”
From the episode
Joan Solotar on Private Equity Funds (Podcast)
Joan Solotar